Go away Xmas, we don't want you here!

I went shopping yesterday, and got these from H&M. Really cute black velvet shorts, interesting detail in these is that the zipper is on the side and not the front. Picture taken from the back, nice little pocket details (they are actual pockets too, and not just for show). I love them!
Angel Kitty top&panties pyjama, I wanted the black Devil Kitty version too, but couldn't afford both. Gasp, a picture of my unmentionables in the internet, what a scandal!
I wear a lot of skirts and dresses, so I need warm tights or leggins to be able to wear everything I want and still stay somewhat warm in the winter time. I found this set of gray and lavender tights thinking they'd be nice and warm, but it turns out that they're a lot thinner than they look. They are still pretty good, but not as good as I had hoped. =(
Today I bought another two pairs of tights, still not warm enough, but at least I'll have a change while last winter's warm ones are in the wash.

And here you have a picture of me with my new hair. Notice the gigantic bags under my eyes. T__T


I started drawing a pattern for basic pants yesterday, but that plan came crashing down when I realized I don't know where some of the numbers come from. I can't finish the pattern when I don't know the numbers I need or how to calculate them. =( So I haven't been able to make the fitting pants, or adjust the pattern. In other words - I'm screwed. Miss Bunnyhopp's mom is coming by tomorrow, and since she's a teacher of this stuff, she'll hopefully be able to help me figure it all out. Then I'll get the pants done by Sunday, and spend Sunday evening and Monday morning writing out answers for the questions we got on Monday regarding the law stuff. *sigh* I'm stressed out.

I'm also stressed about Xmas presents. Let it be known that I hate Christmas, have hated it for several years now. For various reasons, one of them being the commercialisation of the whole thing. I'm not into the religious bit either, I consider myself agnostic/atheist, and don't belong to church anymore. I was baptised as a baby, and I've gone through confirmation camp, but I didn't find God as a kid going to Sunday school, and I sure as hell (pun intended) didn't during confirmation. I went thorught it because I didn't realize I had a choice. There are lots of things in life I didn't and still don't understand, I'm naive and quite dumb, and religion was one of these things. Now I've made my choice and I'm very happy with it.

Christmas is too commercial. There's Xmas shit everywhere you look, and it creeps into stores already in October. I don't like Christmas decorations, all the tacky santa & elves shit give me the creeps. Bright red and gold have never been my favourite colours, and during Christmastime they make my eyes hurt. I'm more of a blue-silver kinda girl. I think white trees, dark green, blue, violet and silver decorations are okay, as long as they're used in moderation. I hate how people stick Christmas lights everywhere, it's ridiculous and looks horrible. I myself own two pairs of Xmas lights though, one set of blue stars, and a set of pink lights. The pink ones were supposed to be purple, are a year old, and have half faded into yellow. I use them in the wintertime when it gets dark, they make my room so much nicer to be in. Plus they match all the pink shit I have. I'm thinking about using the blue ones this winter though, since the pink ones are turning yellow more and more, and I hate yellow lights. I might get a new LED light set some day.

I hate Christmas carols too, they are tacky and make me feel like my brains are melting. I hate how they are played in every single fucking store you enter in December. I can however think of couple that I actually like, mostly cause they sound so sad to me. Here's one, called "Näin sydämeeni joulun teen". Here's another one "Varpunen jouluaamuna", the lyrics are really melancholic and sad. Sung by Tarja Turunen of Nightwish. And my absolute favourite, "Tulkoon Joulu".

I hate Christmas foods too. I don't like ham, I don't like liver casserole, carrot casserole, rutabaga/swede casserole, rosolli (it's made with red beets, carrots, potatoes and onion) and most of all, rice porridge. Yuck. I also hate most of the Xmas chocolates, cause they are boring and filled with crap. The ones I like include Daim, Brunberg (truffel chocolates), and Budapest (nougat? chocolates). Speaking of chocolates and Christmas, I got a Winnie the Pooh Xmas calender with chocolates in it. I don't like Winnie the Pooh (Nalle Puh) or Piglet (Nasu), nor that rabbit person (Kani), but I do love Eeyore (Ihaa) and Tiger (Tiikeri) is nice too. And Heffalump (Möhköfantti)! I haven't seen Heffalump movie yet though. =( I'll post a picture of the calendar later, I don't have one yet.

I hate not being able to get presents for everyone I want. It's also really hard to find presents for my dad and my brother. I think my list of people who to get presents this year include my family members, Miss Bunnyhopp, my ex, Mr. Pirate, Mikichan, and My Siamese Twin. So not too many presents to get. I'll make cards for others, and I have an idea for a tiny gift I can make if I have time. Boys are really hard to shop for. =( I found what I'm getting for my mom though, so that's one down, seven to go. ^^

Okay, I think I've bored everyone to tears right about now, so I guess I'll end this here.

Kaamos

I slept about 12 hours again, and have been feeling sleepy all day. Not as bad as yesterday though, I seriously felt like "Wake me up when I'm done saying 'duuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..' ...".

I made it to school, where I kept giggling at things with Miss Bunnyhopp, and tried to work on my gansta top, until I realised my patterns don't match and got annoyed. We left school after seven, which is really early, but couldn't be helped.

I fell asleep on the sofa while watching C.S.I., and when I went back to my room to watch it from my computer (my darling comp is so smart, it knew to save the show for me *heart*), I fell asleep again. I did remember to take my sleeping pill before finally falling asleep for good, so yay...

No contacts or makeup today, I haven't gotten anything done, just slept late, watched TV, ate a lot of stuff... I had the munchies and I've been crawing for something all day, but I still haven't figured out what I really wanted. I tried pizza, chips, soda, liquorice, chocolate, pudding... Everything fatty, and still haven't figured out what I really wanted. Annoying.

Fell asleep a couple of times today, but only for short periods of time. I can't help it, it's like I'm storaging up on sleep after being sleep-deprived for some time. It would be fine if I didn't have this project I need to do... After all, I love sleeping...^^;

I've felt a little bit better today. In general I've just been feeling lonely, missing my friends, and longing for a hug.... I miss having someone I can just crawl next to and cuddle. =(

Kitiara's pet dragon

I messed up my eyebrows today, so I made wings out of them. Sorta. Yes, I wore makeup today! Improvement, I guess...I didn't even get that many weird looks, even though I went out in public with this look. I'm surprised. O__o

I've also eaten quite normally. It's kinda hard not to, when Miss Bunnyhopp made an omelet and bacon for breakfast... She wouldn't buy chocolate either, unless I got a box, and she really wanted her chocs...f^^; So I've had chocolate and liquorice today too. Kinda annoyed that I did, but I guess food is just stronger than me. =(

Today was okay, I'm just bummed cause I didn't do anything active. =( I was thinking about going to the gym again, but MBH has hurt her back somehow, and can't really come with me right now. =( My thighs are hurting, which is kinda funny but really annoying. O__o *sigh*


I'm still not doing very good, feeling anxious and just generally bad&sad. I did manage to book a doctor's appointment, but it's not until next week. It's on the same day they're giving piggyfly shots to those who are in the risk groups, so I'm going to get a shot since I have asthma. My mom requested it, and hey, if I die, you'll know not to get it, right?

I finally get to start season 4 of Supernatural, so I'll either head to bed soon, or start watching that. Maybe both.


Oh and whoever knows who Kitiara is, gets a bonus point! Takhisis might fit better here, but for some reason Kitiara sounded better in my head. No, I don't like her. I just felt evil. (and wore all black)

I like my hair a little better now, after my bangs got a bit more shape.
They're still gray though...

Gosh Effect Powders Angelic & Bright'n'Black
Wet'n'Wild Eyeliner pen
Black mascara

Food? No thanks.

I'm on my way to an eating disorder and the funny thing is I'm willing to embrace it...

I lost a couple kilos the past two days. No appettite. I loved how my tummy looked like this morning, all flat. Then I had some tea, and bloated up like a balloon. =( I had a kaki aka sharon fruit for breakfast. Miss BunnyHopp made pita kebab, and pushed me to eat two.

I'm fighting the urge to go barf them up. One was good, but two felt like pushing it. I feel fat, and am giving myself a hard time for eating the second one. I want to go out for a walk and even try running a bit.

Still no makeup today, I was going to open up a fresh pair of contact lenses, but I sorta forgot and don't really want to do it anymore for just a couple hours use.

I have smiled and laughed today, so a slight improvement there. I am, however, feeling really anxious all the time, and literally pushing the depression away. It just pushes back, and it's stronger than me... The later it gets, the harder it is for me. I fear the night.

Still, no tears today, at least so far. Tomorrow I might actually think about putting on some makeup, and maybe take a picture or two. I was supposed to clean up my room and do the dishes today, and I started to do that, but didn't get too far.

Oh, before I forget: Something cool happened today, of which Miss BunnyHopp and I get to be very proud of. The owner of this building had finally listened to us, and today they installed fire alarms and extinguishers in the hallway. We live in this really old spooky wooden house, and our downstairs neighbour smokes in his appartment...so it was about time. Smoking isn't allowed here in the first place, and we've been complaining about it ever since we moved here a year ago. Now there's a fire alarm right above his door, so hopefully he'll finally stop.

I have to go out now, I'm sick of sitting in one place. That's good, I guess, that I keep wanting to move. I just need a push to actually get a doctor's appointment...I'm scared.