I hope you've mixed up your mud-cocktails...

As some of you may know, yesterday was April Fools day, hence the previous post.

I'm not a lesbian, not even bisexual, and neither is Miss Bunnyhopp, so lets get that cleared out right now. :þ Not that there's anything wrong with homosexuality, I'm open to all relationships as long as both partners truly care for each other. Like a friend of mine said, it's not the sex you fall in love with, it's the person.

Anywho, I love to fuck with people's minds, and I actually came up with the story about a week ago. I wanted to post it earlier as a type of friendship test, to see how many of our friends would actually believe it to be true, how many of them would be happy for us.You know, find out who our real friends are. I decided to wait until April 1st though, because I thought it would make a nice gag at the same time. :þ

Sorry guys, I just couldn't resist. I didn't mean to offend anyone either, so I'm sorry if I've upset someone. I know a lot of you guys did end up gongratulating us in Facebook, and even though the story was fake, I really appreciate all your nice words. You guys rock.♥

SUMMARY: It was a prank, probably not a good one, but a prank nonetheless, I loves the cock! :þ

Kryptonite

Meh. I can't remember doing much on Friday. I went out and bought chocolates and alchohol, cause I got some tax returns. I also got earmuffs, but didn't notice until today that they left the security alarm on them. -_- Need to go back tomorrow to have them take it out.

The local anime club had arranged an allnighter, so Miss Bunnyhopp went there and hang out for a couple of hours. It was fun seeing people. We had sorta planned we'd go out and go to a bar, but ended up getting pizzas and going back home watching TV. I got really tired.

On Saturday I spent the day on my computer again. ;) Then at 8pm I was told that Tony Kakko would be at Rytmikorjaamo that evening, so I got Miss Bunnyhopp interested and we started to put on some makeup and made a couple of drinks, getting ready to head out. About 45 mins later I was told that Tony wouldn't be there, but Ari Koivunen would. A few &%¤#s later we changed our plans to a girls night out, I'm not interested in nonmetal. xP

I got really wasted by the time we headed out, and we didn't go to our favourite bar Bar15 either, since Miss Bunnyhopp didn't want to see the random band there. We headed out to Karma instead. And as soon as we got in and got our coats off, I saw her, Miss Bitchy. I ignored her, and we got drinks and headed to a table. The both of us were kinda glued to our cell phones that night. ;)

Later on in the washroom Miss Bitchy confronted me and told me not to trust my ex. She also wanted a bury-the-hatchet -hug, which she got. I was way too baffled by all of this. I was hurt though, cause she seems to know a lot of things she's not supposed to know. Miss Bunnyhopp and I got some fries on the way home, and I kept laughing my ass off cause I wanted 'kurkkusipuli' in them. Can't be bothered to try and translate that.

I woke up not hung over today, yay for me. I also re-read some of the messages from last night, including the one from my ex. Then I started this big messenger war with him blaming him of revealing my secrets to Miss Bitchy and Mr. Fatso and how stupid does he have to be to keep trusting them when time after time they prove how they are not worthy of that trust. Then a couple hours later he calls me and basically begs for forgiveness. I feel really stupid, cause in a way I'm the same with him. I keep trusting him and he keeps letting me down. And it sucks, cause I really wanted us to be friends.

Another day spent at the computer. ^^ I'm having loads of fun, thanks to Mr. Fascinating. ;)

Blah blah blah

Argh! I'm really stressed about my school project. I finally got my patterns done today, after a really long time of thinking and calculating and correcting my lines. I also cut the fabric for the fitting pants, but didn't get around sowing it yet. I'll need an early start tomorrow morning to be able to finish them in time. Monday's the second evaluation for this project, so wish me luck.

I really hate being stressed, I start to binge eat without even realizing it. I got a bag of chips, a box of chocolates, and a box of liquorice from the store yesterday, and now... There's a nothing left, I finished the last chocolates a couple minutes ago. I'm gonna be such a fatty...T_T

Miss Bunnyhopp is starting to get excited about Christmas, but my anxiety about the whole holiday is piling up. I like giving presents in general, but Christmas is such a stressful time. I promised to send my Japanese friend an Xmas card, and I'm going to be sending one to Australia too. I love receiving mail, and am glad I've found at least one new friend from this site called Interpals. ^^ I also know what I'm getting Miss Bunnyhopp, and found something tiny for Mr. Pirate, but other than that I have no idea.

Maybe I'll make cookies! Like the ones I made two years ago. They were fun, see for yourselves. xP

I'm still standing

Today I thought that since I have this great urge to hurt myself, I might as well try to use it to my advantage...so when the walls started collapsing on me again, I took bathing gear with me and headed out. I walked the long road to the sports hall, and hit the gym. I didn't tell Miss Bunnyhopp, because I feel like I can't take anyone's company right now...she's mad at me now, and I'm sorry about that, but I had to be alone.

I wasn't at the gym for more than 40 minutes, but since I haven't gone in so long I figured it'd be enough to make my muscles ache tomorrow. There's was this bearded guy who kept looking at me, and I really hope it was in a curious way as to why I looked like shit with my dirty hair, puffy eyes and no eyebrows and not because he found me cute like that. -__-

After the gym I went soaking in the steam sauna, and then hit the pool. I didn't swim for very long either, the warm pool with the massaging waterfalls was reserved so I couldn't get there, which bummed me out. I could really use a massage right about now... I still felt like shit, so I went back to the sauna, realised I was alone and shed a few tears.

On my way home I stopped by the game store hoping to see a friendly face. I did, though not the one I expected. I chatted for a bit, and then went home. I stayed on my computer for a bit, and then went to bed. I ignored school completely, didn't even send my teacher a message. After maybe two hours I woke up and realised I hadn't eated anything. I still don't have any appetite, but I managed to eat two pieces of crisp bread (näkkileipä) with some water.

I had been texting with my ex and I asked him to meet me at the pier in order to say goodbye. Long story short - my eyes are even puffier now (I didn't know it was still possible) and I'm cold, but we agreed to do our best to remain friends. And I need that. I can't do this alone. I need my antidepressants back. I need help.

And I really, really hope this friend thing works out this time...he's still the person who knows me best, and one of my closest friends. I know it'll hurt like hell and nothing will be the same again. Which is why I need you guys to help me through the hard times...isn't that what friends are for?

P.S. I'm sorry for turning into such an angsty blogger, but seriously dudes...you don't even know half of it...

I hate Sundays

Not much to report today, had a lazy, boring and frustrating Sunday. My sowing machine doesn't work, so I'll have to ask my dad to look at it. Watched a lot of Supernatural (season 2), coloured some of the clothes sketches I made earlier, and was a total couch potato. No pictures today, makeup was boring and consisted of just eyeliner and mascara. Didn't take one single photo today.

Ended up going to an otaku club meeting, haven't been to one in a long time, but I got really bored and wanted to leave the house before I went nuts. My ex offered me a ride there as well, so I decided the check it out. I used to be a part of the crew arranging that stuff, but when the formed leader of the group decided to quit and was replaced by this other guy, I quit. I have my issues with him, so I refused to have anything to do with the activities as long as he was in charge. He still is, and will continue to be, but at least I can't be forced into anything I don't agree with anymore.

There were very few people there this evening, and there wasn't really much to do. I ended up playing with my NDS, which I was glad to have taken with me. A friend of mine helped me get a little further in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. We also noticed, that it's possible to play a game that only one of us has, so we had a Taiko no Tatsujin 2 match. ^^ Sounds geeky, but NDS is actually the very first game console I've ever owned, and I'm still learning to use it. xP Haven't played in ages either, so it was fun for a change.

Afterwards we drove around with my ex for some time, and talked about things. I told him how hard the situation is for me, and I feel like it's too early for us to be friends just yet. It's fine when there are people around, but things get really awkward when it's just the two of us, I don't know how to act.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'm hoping to make a clean break from the life I lead now. My friends have just sorta faded away, and I don't really mind either. Yeah it pisses me off that nobody cares enough to stay in touch, but I'm so sick of all this bullshit going around in this circle of friends. I want to start fresh someplace else. It'll be lonely, but at least I'll stay true to myself.