Vodka, we need some vodka... ;)

I had a really good week. ^^

We started out second school project on Monday, and I'm finishing my first project simultaneously. Miss Bunnyhopp and I kept giggling at school, cause we're doing the same sort of projects and we're actually each other's clients as well. Still not too fond of the "new" students. I can't remember if I have mentioned this or not, but seven (?) new students started at our school in the beginning of February. They are all older than me, and quite annoying. There's not enough sowing machines to go around anymore, and we need to start getting there really early, cause both Miss Bunnyhopp and I have these sowing machines we've been using throughout the year, and I really hate it when someone's "stolen" my seat there. Grr!

Tuesday morning we hit the gym, I haven't been all that active in a long time, so it was good. I got a little sick there though, I'm not sure if it was because it was so early for me or what, but luckily I felt a lot better after I sat in the steam sauna and swam for a while. I miss the steam sauna at the swimming pool, so I have to keep going back. ^^ I also found this really cool coat pattern, but didn't quite copying it for myself yet.

On Wednesday we got to go to the wholesale fabric outlet from school. I spent about 120e on fabrics! T__T But I bought this really nice black wool mix so I can make myself a new coat for next winter. I got purple fur to go with it, the kind the local Eurokangas claims doesn't even exist. It's funny how they had it in their store in Tampere though...*grumble* Then I got 3metres of this kinda wine coloured pinstripe fabric, that I'm gonna try and make a Lip Service -styled top and skirt from. Miss Bunnyhopp found this nice black fabric for a shirt, but she didn't like the fact that the bottom of the fabric had this pattern on it, so I took a look, and I liked it, so we're going to split that so we can both use it for a nice top. ^^ They had basic black stretch jean fabric too, so I stocked up on that, cause I want a couple of nice new short skirts, and maybe a long one too. Lets see....was that it? I can't think of anything else, so probably yes.

Miss Bunnyhopp and I kept on giggling about stuff, cause she brought up the subject of piercings again, and I was spot on when guessing which one she wanted next: nipple piercings. xD I kept going "Well you can go ahead and get them done, but I sure as hell won't join you there! I'll come hold your hand, but that's it" and then the next morning... "I kinda want one too now...^^:" Then I borrowed the money from my stash of emergency money, and we headed out to see if our favourite artist had any time for us. We had to spend an hour, so we visited our friend at H&M, where she is doing her internship. It was fun, and I found nice new stockings, a stripy pair, and a dotted pair, both black. Then we went to the tattoo parlour, and Miss Bunnyhopp got her piercings first. They looked really nice, but I was soo fricking scared! I have very, ehm, sensitive nipples, so I knew it would hurt pretty bad. And it did, I screamed, but after about an hour or two it was completely fine. After the actual piercing process, this has been a surprisingly painless one so far! \(^_^)/ I still think I'm not going to get another one...I wasn't even supposed to get this one!! The guy laughed at us when we said that I was kinda doing this out of sympathy. I told Miss Bunnyhopp that once she decides to get things down south pierced, I'm gonna pass! xP

Thursday evening was also the long-awaited Sonata Arctica concert. I was surprised at how many of my friends were going. Miss Bunnyhopp had already decided to come with me, and my ex and I had made this promise to hang out together at the concert a long time ago, so the 3 of us headed there together. I knew my cousins would be there too, and I actually spotted them before and after the gig. We had a pretty nice spot, well, I at least could see the stage quite well. I decided to stay on the drinking side, since there was no age limit to this event, and I got really sick of hanging out with the kids in Kemi last August. I learned my lesson! xP The only bummer was that my charger had died, and I have absolutely no batteries for my camera now. Miss Bunnyhopp found me a pair or regular batteries, but they don't really last too long. I was too far away from the stage to get good pictures too, so that's quite of a bummer, but at least I tried. I'm still without Tommy's drum stick though, which makes me really sad. Ten years and no drum stick, and I love Master Tommy....*sniff* The gig was amazing though, as always. I just can't get over the first gig I went to in Oulu, back in 2002 autumn or 2003 spring, I can't remember which. That was by far the best Sonata gig I've been to, and I've been to quite a few...my first one was either in 2000 or 2001, I can't be sure, cause my memory is like a cheese with big holes in it....but I'll always remember that gig, it's when I got autographs from Henkka, Tommy, and Jani, who even said how pretty I was...=^.^= I was wearing crimson while everyone else was wearing black. ;P

On Friday I felt like I had a hangover, even though I only had two long drinks before the gig. I had been going to bed really early the whole week, so it really screwed up my sleep cycle, which made me all zombielike on Friday. I spent the day looking like a bum, and failed to get to my exercise classes! >x3 We had a movie night with some friends, and I was under the impression that one of them had 'The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus' on DVD (I discovered only afterwards that it doesn't come out until the end of March), cause it's one of the movies I really wanted to see this year. Well, in the end we couldn't watch the movie, and watched some French movie instead, it was really funny and cool. Then we watched 'Black Dynamite' and some random stuff from the TV. Everyone headed back home at midnight.

I was bumming around on Saturday as well, until 10 to 5 pm, when my ex asked if I needed a lift to the anime club game night. I hadn't confirmed whether I'd go or not, but decided to go anyways. It was quite nice, even though people are still mostly interested in talking about World of Warcraft, which I couldn't care less about. I got to do some more ITG, and even drew a nice little anime girl from a model picture. It was a nice evening, but I don't really want to get into more details about it. ;P

I am really bummed about not being able to use my camera. If my charger really is broken, I have to get a new one, and I can't really afford to buy stuff right now. I always keep my camera with me, and I always have a pair of charged batteries, so I'm feeling...naked without it. =(

Man, I've been such a slob this week, I really need to pick up the pace and clean up tomorrow...good night! ^^;

Kryptonite pt. 2

It seems I have gotten lazy lately. Well nothing new there! xP

Miss Bunnyhopp seems to spend all her weekends in Jyväskylä, so I have the whole appartment to myself. *heart* Not that I really do much anyways, but last week I tried some new baking -related stuff. ^^ I had been surfing baking blogs, and since people make it seem so easy, I decided to try royal icing (pikeeri) decorations for future use. I even bought a couple of tyllas (I'll figure out what these are called in English eventually) to try out, although so far I only used the rose one.

Well, making the royal icing was easy enough, and getting it into a freezer bag worked out without being too messy as well. But then the whole easy and artistic part...yeah, turns out it's actually really really hard! T__T I wanted to make pretty flowers, roses and hearts, but since I couldn't, I gave up and made weirdo hearts, piles-o-poop and satanic crosses instead, lol! I had lavender and black pasta dye, and at first I used just a couple of drops of the lavender one to get the lighter shade, and then tried making the icing black, but got dark grey instead. I read that you could use liquorice sauce to make your icing darker, and then use the black pasta dye to actually get a black result, but I didn't know how it would affect the texture of the icing, so I didn't even buy any liquorice sauce.

I was planning on making blueberry-white chocolate muffins, and then decorating them with dyed buttercream and putting my royal icing decorations on top, but I was too lazy to even bake the muffins!! Shame on me. -___- Well, at least I've still got all the ingredients, so I'll be able to make them this week. Gambarimasu! [Sorry, I've been thinking about Japan a bit lately, and it seems I'm picking up on some of the phrases again...man I wish I was still in Inage! T__T]

The weekend before last turned out to be quite nice, even though I was feeling all angsty about it. The anime club had an allnighter again, only this time it was from 18pm to 4am. I ended up getting there around 11pm, and hang out with Mr. Pirate, Kawaiianimekun, and Weirdomon the whole time. I stayed there until the very end, and had brough my Eeyore plushie with me to use as pillow if I got too tired. Turned out there was nothing on that I wanted to watch, so I was just chatting with people and played a little ITG as well. It was quite nice, I stayed until the end and got to bed around 5am.

Then on Sunday evening my ex asked if I wanted to go watch a movie with some people, and since I had nothing better to do, I went there. We watched 'Night Watch' [Nochnoy Dozor] and 'Day Watch' [Dnevnoy Dozot], both of which I've seen before. Man I wish they had put the cool subtitles of Nightwatch on the DVD! I still prefer Day Watch over Night Watch, maybe because I've seen the first one so many times now, or maybe because I find the whole vortex thing around Sveta so fricking annoying. -__- I felt really awkward the whole evening too, because we were at Mr. Bisexual & his girlfriend's place, and it was just them, Mr. Pirate, my ex and me. Talk about weird...especially since I have nothing in common with the hosts of the evening, and the awkward tension between people...maybe it was just me, but I didn't feel too comfortable. But hey, they had 3 cats for me to focuse on! ^^;

Last Saturday I went to club Karma with Mr. Moviefan and Miss Marvellous, and met up with my ex there. The whole reason I went out was that there's a Burlesque Tour going on around Finnish clubs, and I wanted to see the Queens of Tease. ^^ And they were fabulous! I didn't really catch any of their names though, but the second performer of the evening was clearly the best. She was also the thinnest, but not necessarily the prettiest IMO. My favourite act was by a girl dressed up as Minnie Mouse, it was funny and cute and sexy, of course! ^^ I didn't care too much for the really tall blonde woman, but I was very happy to see that the French guest star was just as chubby as I am, she even had a C-section scar on her belly! She was wearing blue and performed to a Disney's Little Mermaid song 'Under the Sea', which I found quite amusing. I got to the first row during the last performance of the 3 prettiest girls, which was a really fun act. I took pictures of the girls, but unfortunately they all turned out really blurry. =( Oh and I got called a lesbian by this random "show me yer tits!" dork, who wanted me to take pictures of him rather than the performers. Needless to say I ignored the twat and focused on the show. I loved the corsets, the dresses, the shoes, the hair...*heart* Fuck school, fuck edumacation, fuck "normal" line of work, I'm gonna be a burlesque dancer! ;P


Sorry about the name-dropping, I don't want to refer to people by their real names, and I'm not too keen on using their eg. IRC-Galleria names either, so I keep making them up...sometimes even I'm not sure who I'm referring to! *giggle*

Oh and Note to self: Not a great idea to go out partying with people including your ex. It still sucks to see them chatting with other girls. Twat! -__-

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman? If I'm alive and well will you be there holding my hand? I'd keep you by my side with my superhuman might
Kryptonite

Life is beautiful

Want to know how lonely I am? I asked my ex-boyfriend for sex, you do the math. *

I skipped school again today, I think I've missed every single Wednesday class this year, how cool is that? I woke up really early after a late night and a random 6:22 awakening. What's weird is that Miss Bunnyhopp had a similar experience at 4am, maybe there was a burglar in our house? O_o I had a doctor's appointment today, and she (yes it's a she again! *heart*) prescribed me the minipill. Hello future with no periods! *bigger heart* Well, at least that's what I'm hoping for. I just wish I wasn't kinda scared of doctors and confessing stuff (mostly about me not wanting to know the results of anything that could possibly be serious...) with them, I was supposed to have a pap smear test done a year ago, and it's still on hold...*sigh*

I'm trying to clean out my closets and slowly get rid of everything I don't need. I'll have to, if I'm going to move during the summer. I should also start saving money for a trip to Canada in August for my cousin's wedding. And I've still got that Lip Service pre-order coming, and I bought two lolita dresses online a week ago. -__-; It's weird, they sent me an email saying that they cannot actually make the dresses until March, and today I got another email saying they've shipped the dresses. O__o Very strange...

Miss Bunnyhopp is staying home this weekend, and is planning on taking me out to find me a dude. Well see what happens...wouldn't mind getting drunk, that's for sure.

Argh, I'm totally addicted to the song "Life is beautiful" by Sixx:A.M. at the moment, hence the title.

* He said 'no', by the way. How's that for a happy ending?

Bonafide Lovin'

I hate midnight angsty posts, and I hate writing them. I can't, however, fall asleep for the life of me, and I've been through all my favourite sites. I'm out of sleeping pills too, so no help there. =( I don't have milk, and I don't want to get out of bed to make tea in the first place. My throat is sore, and I keep coughing. I caught a cold while visiting Boogieman, and it doesn't help that it's -17C outside.

My trip to Jyväskylä was both good and bad. I ended up running to the station again, and had 2 minutes to buy a ticket and get on the train. I made it though, but noticed I forgot my DS at home. =( Luckily I discovered my iPood in my bag, and listened to mind.in.a.box all the way there, dozing in and out.

I was very happy to see Boogieman, he looked even better in person. ^^ We went to get something to eat, and walked at the town a bit. Then we headed for drinks and played 'Huojuva Torni'. I lost, cause I was determined to grab a block right at the bottom. xP

I'm glad to say his two pet rats did not bite me, like I had feared. I was also pleasantly surprised by how cute they were, since I don't really like things that haven't got a furry tail. But those two were adorable! *heart* We watched Zombieland, and it was just as awesome as would be expected. \,,,/

Boogieman has this massive car, and since the weather actually took a wintery turn (Seinäjoki looked like September-October when I left. -_-), the car kept sliding all over the place. It was quite...interesting. Luckily it wasn't too cold until Sunday.

We went out partying with some of Boogieman's friends on Friday night, and I had quite a nice time all the way to the point we decided to head back to his place. We kinda got separated, and I was too drunk to remember he had the cloak room ticket for both our coats, and since I couldn't get my coat, I was scared to go outside thinking they wouldn't let me back in. So I sat by the door hoping I would be found, and started to panic, since I don't know the freaking city one bit, so I couldn't find my way back on my own. I cried, I was feeling horrible, and then Boogieman came to my rescue. I felt really stupid for not remembering what the deal was with the coats. =( We had quite an interesting walk back though, we crossed a graveyard. :P

Saturday night was time for the "Worst Xmas Party This Year", so we headed to his friend's again. Our hosts had decorated the place with tin foil, and there was punch and booze galore. I had bought more stuff to drink, and helped myself to my own booze as well as the punch. Now, you gotta realize that I no longer drink cider, and I've never been able to drink beer for more than one bottle (in two hours, might I add...). So I'm a "my own special drink mixes" -kinda gal. And I kept chucking one after another, until I was drunk enough to demand tin foil to make alien antennaes on my head. xP I also had my trusty camera with me (I always do *heart*), and we ended up taking random drunken pictures. Pentachan got quite some admiration from people. ^^ (my cam is ...what, 5 years old now?, a cute little Pentax box model)

By the time people decided to head to a bar, I blanked out. Too much booze. I have no recollection whatsoever what has happened after then, but I was told I was feeling really crappy, I didn't want to go to a bar, but I didn't want to ruin people's evening either. Nor did I want to go sleep on my own (apparently I got quite demanding. *sigh*), so Boogieman ended up going back with me. I pissed him off too, cause I kept bawling all the way back, got left behind, and couldn't see things right in front of me.

Apparently at some point I had also called my ex, saying I feel miserable and I really hate ruining Boogieman's evening, but I felt too sick. I think I would've called Miss Bunnyhopp at this point, since she's my best friend, but since I pissed her off just by taking off without telling her, she ignored me the whole weekend. I tried to contact her more than once. Why did I call my ex? Cause he used to be a friend of mine, though now I'm starting to see how it might not work out in the end. I did end up having a minor nervous breakdown because of him a little while back, so I felt sadistic satisfaction when I cancelled a coffee meeting we had planned just a little earlier, and told him what I was doing instead. I honestly don't care, he's got his own life, and I've got mine, and as long as neither of us is rubbing it in each other's face, things are good.

So yeah, for Saturday I'm definitely not proud of. =( From what I gathered, I made a total ass of myself in front of Boogieman and his friends. Way to leave a first impression or what...*sigh*

Sunday was spent trying out games on PSP, and I fell for LittleBigPlanet again. I also got to play a couple of levels of Patapon 2, and I'm surprised I don't have the "Pata-pata-pata-pon" mantra stuck in my head. What I do have stuck in my head is Chromeo's Bonafide Lovin' though...:P

I was originally planning to head back on Sunday the very least, but since we slept in, all the good trains had already left. I decided to catch a straight connection back Monday morning, cause the alternative was to spend over an hour in Tampere all alone, in the middle of the night. =(

Now I'm back at home, and I feel confused. I can't really read Boogieman yet, so I don't know how he felt about the weekend, and I'm kinda nervous to ask, for some reason. I did like him, and I'd like to see him and the rats again, hopefully sooner rather than later. ^^ I just really hate feeling confused.

Oh man, I really need to get some sleep...It's already 5.30am, and I need to be at the unemployment center by 10am.... Last week I promised the guy there that I'd go to this info thing, so I don't have any options. Fortunately it's just for an hour, but I don't think I'll get any sleep after that either, since I still have a pair of pants to make. Yup, I should've finished my school project before leaving, but I didn't. Plus mom is coming in for a fitting tomorrow evening, not to mention the finished project needs to be handed in on Wednesday. *sigh* Hello stress, I didn't miss you, so could you stay the fuck off?!

Speaking of, I nearly froze my fingers off on the way to school, so I stopped halfway to buy a pair of really warm mittens. I managed to lose one of my beloved mittens while I was drunk, and I'm truly mourning it. It was made by my aunt (mom's sister) some 20+ years ago. She also died 20+ years ago, so it can never be replaced...T__T My mom gave them for me to wear a few years back out of the goodness of her heart, so now I'm thinking I'll make a pair just like that to try and make it up to her. =/

School sucked ass, since Miss Bunnyhopp still wasn't talking to me, and I was pissed off, since apparently my cell phone hates winter, and almost broke. I was prepared to start working on the pants, but ended up finishing the bolero I started on Wednesday. I still need to make button holes, and see if I think it needs to be jazzed up a bit. After that I just came back home.

I forgot, I had to be back here this morning because I promised my mom to go shopping with her (it was her day off). We ended up checking out a few stores, and I picked out a Hello Kitty t-shirt pajama and a really cool black makeup mirror for Xmas presents. I guess I've been a good little girl (thank goth there are things parent's don't need to know, eh!? lol) and will be getting several tiny presents this year. I bought some more stuff for Miss Bunnyhopp's present too, and noticed I got some of the things I ordered in the mail. I'm not too happy with them though, I should've checked the description better. The things are WAY bigger that what I wanted to get. (Presents, may be revealed after people receive them). T_T

I blocked Miss Bitchy on Facebook. *heart* I've got no idea whether she occasionally tries to check out my profile, but I fixed all my restrictions too, and randomly tried to block someone. Who better to try it out on than her? ^^ She's never been my friend in there, and never will, just like the situation is in real life.

I'd like to add some pictures later on, but I think I'll need to check with people first. Check back for updates on that. Peace!

Monkeys and bunnies

Sorry for the late update. It's not that I've been busy, quite the opposite. Miss Bunnyhopp and I didn't get invited to a birthday party and I'm kinda miffed about it. Mainly because of the missed opportunity to see more than one friend at a time. =/

Miss Bunnyhopp and I spent 70 minutes at the gym yesterday, but didn't really spend any time swimming. Too tired, my legs had turned into spaghetti by the time I got to the pool. After that we went and had chinese food, but since we didn't order from their lunch menu, we had to pay full price. I was really annoyed by that because it didn't use to matter before, but for some reason now they've changed their policies I guess. The meatballs were still good, so no complaints. Yes, I had meatballs at a chinese restaurant, and they were fantastic!

It was interesting, on that same trip we both bumped into our exes, and only one of those was awkward. MBH's ex is completely avoiding her these days (he owes her money and refuses to pay up, whiny bitch) and me as well. My ex was just heading for some lunch with a friend when we met him. It was interesting to see him again, I haven't seem him since the snow thing, and haven't really talked to him after that either. I have to say, I no longer imagine we could still fix things and be together. For now I'm just mourning what we had, but hopeful that our friendship can still be repaired. It is too soon for me to see him with this new girl though, but I'll get there. ^^; This time history will not repeat itself!

Yesterday evening Miss Bunnyhopp took over my bed, stared at my stuff and then said we could make monkey bags. For those of you who don't know me, I have this big black monkey skeleton bag that my sister bought while visiting me in Japan. It may not sound like it, but it's in fact really cute. Miss Bunnyhopp had some white PVC, and said she wanted to make one, so we started drawing out the skeleton pattern and cutting the PVC.

This morning I went to the health care center to get the swine flu vaccination, and I was preparing for another 1-2 hour queue. I was happily surprised when I got there, there weren't too many cars, and no queue outside. No visible queue inside either, and when I got to the waiting room, there were only 5 people before me. (^_^)/ I got the seasonal influenza shot as well, so I have tiny bandaids on both of my shoulders. xP The piggy one hurts a little, but nothing else to report about that. If I wake up tomorrow with a snout, then I suggest you not to get the shot...

I didn't even get around eating breakfast after coming home (I was in a hurry once again, so left home without eating), since we headed out to the fabric store to get black fabric for the bags. We didn't manage to find any adjustment buckles though, so I'm not sure what I should do about the shoulder straps. My bag is going to be a cat, well, more like a tiger, and I'll put two shoulder straps on it to make it a backpack. The original monkey one only has one.

I'm surprised my muscles aren't too sore yet. The only ones that hurt are the ones I'm sitting on. xP My arms are a little sore, but that's mainly because of the shots.

Nothing special for makeup today, the same old basic style. I don't know how I should adjust my pictures, cause the black looks gray and you can't really see the white in the inner corners either. =(

Oh and depression wise today wasn't so great: I was cutting the fabric in Miss Bunnyhopp's room, I had my contacts on, I realised I can't see close all too well. There was also a really strange smell coming from the neighbour's appartment, and I just started feeling anxious. I managed to pick up what was happening when my breathing got really uneven and fast. I tried to take deep breaths and I got up, went to get some apple juice and sat on the living room sofa for a while, just breathing. It helped, and the anxiety passed. I just haven't felt all that great the rest of the day. =/

Especially when I tried to play with MBH's bunny (She really does have one, a white fluffy lion bunny. It growls.) and she just kept hopping away from me. In the end she was poking my hand asking me to pet her some more, so all was forgiven. ^^

Things are not what they seem

I'm the type of girl who'll go out in the middle of the night just to enjoy the first fresh snow of the winter. I'm also the type of girl who'll give a snowball to someone as a present. Especially when I realise I've lost my keyes...

Yeah, I did that last night. I was supposed to just go play in the snow, but I decided to take a walk too. By the time I was planning to turn back home I started to look for my keyes, couldn't find them, and kinda panicked. Miss Bunnyhopp was happily sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her up, cause her back still hurted. What did I do?

All in all, I walked 6km in the snow to see my ex. The walk took me about an hour and a half, but I was already kinda halfway there. No, I did not plan it, I had just started walking, and had already picked the route back home. But not being able to find my keyes made me panic, and I knew he was still up. So I made a cute little snowball and just kept walking.

The snowball wasn't very cute by the time I got there (neither was I). He took me in for the night, and we talked. Well, once again, he talked, and I cried my eyes out. I slept on his sofa, well, I tried at least. I stayed up most of the night, and finally fell asleep in the morning. He took me back home around noon, and no worries, my keyes are safe. I spent the rest of the day with Miss Bunnyhopp watching Supernatural and eating. I'm stuffed, and it makes me sick...=(

Why does all this still hurt me so much? Why is it so hard for me to let go? Because I still had feelings for him, feelings I denied from everyone, especially him, even myself. Our relationship was rocky, and it got too hard for me too handle. Nevertheless, I was still 100% convinced we'd end up back together. When I finally realised it was too late...it broke my heart.

I feel like a fool. What we had was unique. A cliché, but it's true for me. I went through so many "firsts" with him (one of them being living with a guy, others I'll leave to your imagination, however dirty it may be....) and he was the only guy I could really be myself with. I trusted him more than anyone in my life. He helped my through the hardest time of my life when my sister died. He held me in his arms through those countless nights I cried after her. And for that I will always love him.

"If you love them, set them free..."
Why is it so hard to do the right thing? Why do the good guys have to suffer? Of course I want him to be happy, even when it's not with me. I can't say I harbour any hard feelings against the girl either. Somehow I see myself in her. She's in the same position I was two and a half years back, getting to know this really great guy who's been hurt by someone he loved so much...

I just wish it wasn't my heart that got smashed into millions of pieces in the process... I may try to put on a brave face in public, even with Miss Bunnyhopp, but when I'm alone... I cry myself to sleep. I just wish the pain would go away... I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up until it didn't hurt anymore... Why do I have to pay the price?

P.S. Let it be known I don't even like winter. I just love snow; the world doesn't seem like such a bad place when everything's covered in pure, white, soft, perfect snow...

I hate Sundays

Not much to report today, had a lazy, boring and frustrating Sunday. My sowing machine doesn't work, so I'll have to ask my dad to look at it. Watched a lot of Supernatural (season 2), coloured some of the clothes sketches I made earlier, and was a total couch potato. No pictures today, makeup was boring and consisted of just eyeliner and mascara. Didn't take one single photo today.

Ended up going to an otaku club meeting, haven't been to one in a long time, but I got really bored and wanted to leave the house before I went nuts. My ex offered me a ride there as well, so I decided the check it out. I used to be a part of the crew arranging that stuff, but when the formed leader of the group decided to quit and was replaced by this other guy, I quit. I have my issues with him, so I refused to have anything to do with the activities as long as he was in charge. He still is, and will continue to be, but at least I can't be forced into anything I don't agree with anymore.

There were very few people there this evening, and there wasn't really much to do. I ended up playing with my NDS, which I was glad to have taken with me. A friend of mine helped me get a little further in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. We also noticed, that it's possible to play a game that only one of us has, so we had a Taiko no Tatsujin 2 match. ^^ Sounds geeky, but NDS is actually the very first game console I've ever owned, and I'm still learning to use it. xP Haven't played in ages either, so it was fun for a change.

Afterwards we drove around with my ex for some time, and talked about things. I told him how hard the situation is for me, and I feel like it's too early for us to be friends just yet. It's fine when there are people around, but things get really awkward when it's just the two of us, I don't know how to act.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'm hoping to make a clean break from the life I lead now. My friends have just sorta faded away, and I don't really mind either. Yeah it pisses me off that nobody cares enough to stay in touch, but I'm so sick of all this bullshit going around in this circle of friends. I want to start fresh someplace else. It'll be lonely, but at least I'll stay true to myself.