Carnival of rust

Biiig big cleaning day today. I went through both of my closets rearranging stuff, and I'm still not finished. I vacuumed my room before I started, I wish I could get the big cranberry rug outside and air it out for once, but it's too heavy for me to move let alone lift it on my own. I can't really wash my floor either, so I'll just have to settle for vacuuming for now. I need a man! -__-;

I've got too much stuff. I'm planning on getting rid of everything unnecessary, so that's why I started this whole project. I'm hoping to sell stuff that's still good, and stuff that isn't, I'll just donate to the Red Cross.

I had fun toying around with the three Models Own eyeshadows I didn't get to try out earlier, here's what I came up with. Yeah, ridiculous, but I didn't have to leave the house. Except I did, went to get some milk and two new metal "shelves" for my closet. Anyway, was just goofing around, not trying to create an actual look.The pictures are bad though. =(

You didn't want me

I'm officially depressed now. The doctor was very nice, I was expecting to see a male doctor, but to my relieved surprise she was a woman. I told her the basics, said that from what I remember, the medication I had a year ago didn't really work for me, so she prescribed me something else. And something to help me sleep, so yay...

Unfortunately the new pills were quite expensive, so they better be good... Grr! I start them tomorrow morning, and the sleeping pills tonight. I just wish I don't turn into a zombie cause of the meds...

The doctor told me that the medication would take about two weeks to kick in, and if I had more suicidal thoughts, I should just go to the ER and they would admit me in the hospital psychiatric ward for a few days, to help me get through the worst days. I wish I had done that Friday evening, last weekend was hell...

My phone rang when I got home, and now I have an appointment to see a mental health nurse (depressiohoitaja) on Monday. I was told I need to make an appointment myself, but I guess the doctor contacted the nurse and she then contacted me to make sure I would actually set a date for my first visit.

I was going to get the swine flu vaccination today as well, but it meant a 2-3 hours wait, and I really didn't feel like standing outside in the cold, especially since it's been trying to rain....yeah, the lines really were that long.

I'm tired. Did manage to scrape in about 6 hours of sleep last night, so yay...

I keep feeling anxious. I know I have a ton of things to do, if I just started them, but I don't feel like it. Don't feel like doing anything. My room is an absolute mess, and I need to wash my sheets and do other laundry as well. I also need to try out basic patterns for a skirt and pants, and focus on my school project, but fuck that. I keep sitting by the computer, listening to music and searching for new artists. I wish I could dance... It might make me feel better both physically and mentally, but a) there's no room here, b) my downstairs neighbour would have a fit (I live in an old house, I don't need to be an elephant to make a lot of noise) and c) I can't even dance... I'm so in love with EBM, especially everything melancholic, and it just makes me want to dance my heart out...

I did manage to do the dishes today, so yay for me. Now if only I'd try to clear the floor and shake my ass while doing it...;) Unfortunately just looking around me brings my already blue mood crashing down. =(