No One There

Happy New Year, may your shitstorms recede ever so slightly in the following 12 months.

Warning, I'm having a Sentenced -day, the first sign that things aren't going so great.

Jyväskylä was fun this time too. I had a very pleasant New Year's Eve, and all-in-all a good time. I saw Avatar, which turned out to be an awesome movie. Quite predictable, but the whole movie just blew me away. I've been craving for those feline teeth ever since (and even more for someone with teeth like that to just sink them in the back my neck...purrr! *heart*).

I came back to Seinäjoki with Miss Bunnyhopp and her dude Mr. Insanely Tall, who was kind enough to drive us back. I've been a fat little shit since Xmas, and the 3 of us ended up going to Hesburger and for a drink before he headed back. Urgh.

On Monday it kept snowing the whole freaking day, and I wandered after Miss Bunnyhopp around the city going either "I'm dying" (my stomach hurt really bad for some reason) or "Fucking asshole!" (ya I don't care to elaborate...). The fact that it was really cold and snowy didn't help either. I did manage to buy some stuff that made me feel a little better, but all in all, I had a really shitty day.

Last night I was prepared to go to bed early, so I would wake up early in order to be ready for the gym with Miss Bunnyhopp. However, I ended up crying myself to sleep and didn't want to wake up at all. I even played with the idea of just popping a sleeping pill one after the other each time I'd wake up. No, I'm not saying I wanted to kill myself, I'm saying I wanted to sleep for the rest of the week. Miss Bunnyhopp woke me up twice though, at first she was trying to figure out what happened, and then the second time when she brought me my mail. I got the birthday gift I had purchased Sunday evening. What a laugh.

Today I've been moping in my bed, eating chips and chocolates, watching movies, swearing my ass off, screaming, and atm I'm crying at my desk. Fun. I thought I was done crying over men, but apparently I was wrong.

So to all you little stalkerbitches out there, who've got nothing better to do than writhe in other people's pain: I'm still alone, and still unhappy, and my life's still shit. Enjoy.

P.S. I took the dreads out yesterday. Feels weird, and it was even more weird taking them out, half of the shit that came out of my head was dust. Yuck.

Something to do

Somehow I've managed to spend the whole day at my computer. O_o I woke up early to go to a blood test issued by the doctor a week ago, and have been "moping" in my room ever since I got back. There was this young dude with long hair taking my blood this time, so it wasn't that bad (even though I now have bandaids in both arms..). ;)

I spent all of Tuesday at my parents', reading Don Rosa's finest, and petting my cats while dad installed Win 7 on my laptop. It was installed over Vista, cause I didn't have enough space to empty my computer to an external harddrive, so it took forever. And it's still in Finnish. *sigh*

I haven't gone to the gym, and I didn't go to school yesterday. I've had a headache for a couple of days now, and it's really nasty. I guess it's due to the stress I'm under. =(

I bought a piece of really lovely faux leather yesterday. It's black, and the other side is leather-like, and the other one is really smooth and it looks like suede. It only cost 15e/kg! I also got a piece of pink sports fabric, that I already have a piece, but since I had planned to make a top and some sort of bottom from it, I bought more. Plus I think it was the last of that fabric, and cost me 7e.

I finally washed my hair yesterday (eww I know, gross!), and it feels much nicer. Naturally I've washed my bangs, but not the whole hair. It took hours for it to dry again, but that was to be expected. The weight wasn't too bad this time, I'm getting to like these short dreads more and more. The back of my neck has started to hurt a little, but nothing compared to what it normally is. These haven't really scratched my scalp either, so it's all good. I'm aiming for a 3-week minimun this time, and I guess 5 weeks will be max. After that I'll take them out, dye my hair and perhaps put them back in. Time will tell.

I got some new jewelry from Crazy Factory. Two surgical steel crescents for my left ear, one is 1.6mm and the other one 2mm. I started from a normal thin earring, had a 1mm safety pin (surgical steel, from CF) in it for a week or so, and then yesterday I tried putting the 1.6 in. It went about halfway, then got stuck in a dread, and got tucked in all the way. So I think I've teared my ear too much, cause it hurts now. T_T Plus I lost the little rubber thingies during the night. *sigh* I also got a 3mm plastic plug (the smallest I could find) and a black navel banana with a blue/green "diamond". It's really pretty, and makes a nice change to the one I have. I would've changed the barbell in my tongue to a 14mm one, but it seems I've misplaced those, along with my pretty black moon/star navel ring. I hope they didn't accidentally end up in the trash, cause I can't seem to find them...T__T

Lazy day, I'm tired, since I didn't sleep very well last night, and have been going to bed around 2am. Well, except for last night, I was in bed before 11pm. I know, I surprised myself too. O_o

So Much Is Lost

I've been missing Pepper Lunch, so today I thought I'd make a me-version of my favourite dish there. Mostly just because I had some pork in the freezer, and it came with a pepper butter thingy that I really want to use with rice. The pork chunks are massive though, so it'll be very different from the original, but at least I'll feel nostalgic. ^^


I've meant to write a post earlier, but I kept postponing it and now it's been two days since my last update. On Monday we spent all evening listening to law stuff, and didn't get any sowing done. Annoying. I kept undoing the seams of a shirt I've made earlier that turned out too big in the end. I managed to resow a couple of the seams on our break, but the shirt is still unfinished. I'll be finishing that one today, and making a hooded crop top.

Speaking of tops, my Lip Service clothes finally arrived. I got the Cybertronic Ragdoll Cap Sleeve Hoodie, Cybertronic Ragdoll Nano Factory Mini Dress (both brand spanking new) and the In Vain (? Couldn't find the specifics) Hoodie, which was used, but looks brand new. Love! The Cybertronic Hoodie cost me 41e+shipping, the dress 59e+shipping, and the Vain Hoodie 35e (huuto.net). Hoodies both fit perfectly, and are a size L, but the dress is giving me grief. It's an XL, and it fits nicely around my chest, but is way too lose from the waist, and the neckpiece is choking me. I may need to sell it, which I really don't want to do, or modify it to fit my needs, which I know will make people kill me for committing such blasphemous act! xP I'll see which option wins. For now, I'll lock it safely in my closet.


Miss Bunnyhopp received some mail as well, she got a whole bunch of double-ended dreads she had bought on ebay. So I spent Monday evening braiding them in her hair. We made a deal so I got to keep the dreads she didn't need herself, and I spent yesterday braiding them in my hair. I feel gorgeous again, I love having a full head of hair. I no longer need to be angsty about my own hair, which is nice for a change. It's gotten to the lenght where it keeps pissing me off, cause I need to start styling it in order to like how it looks. -__- Pain in the ass. The dreads are so much more simple, and always look nice. It'll just be a pain in the ass to dry them if we manage to squeeze in more time at the gym and the pools... It's interesting how well the dreads match my hair, since I had no idea Miss Bunnyhopp had bought them. They're mostly black/white ones with a few lilac ones mixed in. Funny how that goes. ^^

Oh and here's my makeup 3 days in a row. Monday was pink and white, Tuesday was gray, and today purple and silver. Same eyebrows in all, I just love that Wet'n'Wild lilac eyeliner pen...^^

Gah, I haven't gotten much done today. I did clean up my room and make dinner, so I guess that's okay. What I was supposed to do however was draw patterns for my big sowing project. I've got a fitting on the 30th and I haven't even drawn the patterns for the pants!

I found myself looking at me thinking 'Sini' today...not even looking in the mirror, I was making dinner and looking down at the frying pan, I saw my arms and the dreads hanging from my head and I just thought that's my sister... It's quite...confusing. I look at myself and I see her, but when I look in the mirror, she's gone. It's me again. I don't know what's happening...

"My identity is not real..."

Happy Father's Day

I spent most of the day at my parents', it being Father's Day and all. I also went through a lot of the music my sister had on her computer, and have now about 4G more music myself...(props to Halloween_Jack, I'm pretty sure that's where some of it came from...) I also deleted most of the doubles, so there's a little more free space on my dad's external hard drive now. He doesn't speak English, and it would take forever for him to go through all that, so I was happy to help.

Other than that I haven't really been happy today. It was good to see my cats again, and I talked to my brother for a bit. Mostly about what to do with our (well, mine, actually) old Donald Duck -comics. There's about 10 year's worth of them, thanks to my godfather. *insert heart here*

Mom found me my old long black wool coat. I've missed it, and I wish I'd found it in time for Tampere... Just need to fix it a bit, since the lining is mostly broken, and I've had to remove it from the other sleeve completely. I'll also see if it still fits nicely, and maybe try to take patterns from it. I need a new coat...

I've been feeling really anxious today. I know I'm not to expect hearing from anyone today, cause people are busy, but I've been staring at my phone all day... I just wish someone would call me, text me, anything... I'm lonely. I can't let my guard down in front of my parents, I really don't want them to worry about me...

I made a couple new dreads yesterday, well, I didn't wash them yet. I borrowed some of my sister's old woollen dreads to use as study material for my own dreads. So far I've done pretty good, though I use different wool.

Makeup today consisted of mascara and violet eyebrows. After yesterday's fiasco zebra face with Wet'n'Wild Mega Liner...yeah, I didn't feel like risking it.

Most of the snow is gone now, it's been raining again. =( Here's how it looked at night.

Fun Friday, slow Saturday

No post yesterday, sorry about that. I wore so much pink it was almost ridiculous: a pink skirt, a pink t-shirt, pink-black socks, short black shirt over the t-shirt, pink makeup, 2 pink bracelets, pink-black bracelet, pink bow in my hair, pink underwear...xP Yeah, I was pink. I could've worn pink shoes as well, but went with my usual black ones.


I got a huge bag full of fabrics from the big store yesterday: white tricot with newspaper print (dress and a shirt, here I come), weird pink-beige stripy tricot that I didn't realise I had actually bought until today when I hang it to dry O__o, wine tricot, stretchy elastic tricot (for form-fitting shirts with puffy sleeves), pretty blue college, black and white big stripe college (I'm planning on making a really long pixie-style dress/coat with this one), purple vinyl for detailing, and a bunch of zippers and some nice elastics. My mom sponsored the trip, which is great, cause I'm still flat-ass broke. T__T I've already shrunk the darker fabrics, so tomorrow means a trip to the washing machine for the white stuff. ^^

So I had pink makeup yesterday, and I just applied more for the evening plus fixed my eyebrows. We went the see The Final Destination 3D even though the tickets cost an outrageous 12 euros. I liked the movie, but I expected more from it since they advertised it with "Death saved the best for 3D", so I was kinda disappointed, especially since the tickets were so expensive. I have enjoyed the first movies though, and it followed the familiar pattern with people dying with as much blood and grossness as possible, so there were those fun moments too.

After that I headed to the bar with Miss Bunnyhopp, we just wanted to go out and hang out. The night turned out to be quite a lot of fun in the end, even though neither of us got drunk. There was this band playing, one that I've never heard about, Tracy Gang Pussy. The first couple of songs were kinda okay, but after that I just got really bored since it all sounded the same, the whole gig felt like one neverending song since it all sounded the same. The only word I can come up with to describe them is emorock, and they looked the part too. I hate the word emo by the way, as well as categorising, but man, I just have to use it here...

Anyways, turns out the guys were French, and after some eyeing from a couple of them and from Miss Bunnyhopp, I decided to drag her to meet them. There was some miscommunication between us, since I find the French accent quite hard to understand, but they were saying something about us going with them to Stockholm, where they had their next gig. O__o Oh and Miss Bunnyhopp and the guitarist got along very nicely, if you know what I mean...;) We ended up with really crappy pictures of us and the band dudes, both of us bought a tiny pin as a "souvenir", and I got a drumstick. I like drummers. ^^

We kept laughing all the way home, it was just too funny. I hid the drumstick under my pillow and tried to imagine it was given to me by my favourite drummer, the hunky Master Tommy, but unfortunately I just had a really weird dreams. He did appear in the last one though, but it was completely weird, and there was a gigantic red beetle in the dream, which ended up attacking me and scaring me awake. O__o

Here are some pictures.


I hate that picture, I look like a freaking emofag. I really dislike those longer partitions on the sides, but every time I try to cut them Miss Bunnyhopp intervenes and says they're nice. Maybe I'll just get rid of them next week when she doesn't see... Oh and I'm so glad my dread project is coming along nicely, I'll get to pretend I have long hair again...-__-

Ooh, for the record, my hair is what it is because it was in a really bad shape and I cut it short to grow it back healthier, but it's still really short. I don't want to cut it any more, because I want to keep it long enough all over to put in dreads. I've also tried to dread my own hair, but it's too silky for that. So part of why it was so unhealthy is due to the dreading process. I promised myself black hair for the winter, but since i get bored so easily, I left the bangs blonde so I can keep switching the colour in them at least. They've been teal and blue so far, next I'm gonna go with magenta/purple/pink.

The story of my hair. All in all I've had dreads three times now, all synthetic. The first ones I had were storebought, and really thin, quite poorly made too. I had them in my hair twice, in two different combinations. The ones I had last time I made myself, synthetic, some of them softish and others quite hard, because I'm still learning how to make them. They were also falling apart, which sucks ass, cause I spent A LOT of money on the fibers. =( Unfortunately I can only use the dreads for short periods of time, because they start to scratch my skalp and have left the back of my head very sore every single time. I'm hoping the woollen ones I'm making won't cause so much problems. =/

Today I've been needle felting black wool together with the pink/purple I have, and washed 3 of them into their final shape. I have 18 waiting to be soaped, and I think I need to make twice as much to be all set. Luckily I can do that with the wool I have, so no need to buy more. ^^ Unless I want to try another colour...^^; Luckily the second season of Supernatural arrived on Friday, so I've spent a really relaxind day with that and the dreads. ^^