The Truth is Out There

Miss Bunnyhopp wanted us to wait until we've moved to Tampere, but I'm too happy to hide this anymore. I'm in love!

You see, we've both been hurt by the men we cared about. We've also always been there for each other. And now, after all our disappointments... We've found each other. It's perfect! We're already best friends, we know what the other is thinking about, and we complete each other's sentences.

Why did we think it best to keep it a secret from you, dear friends? Because we know how your religion affects your thoughts on this matter. We also know that you don't think very highly of us as it is.

This is one of the reasons we want to leave Seinäjoki and our old lives behind. We're afraid of your judgemental opinions on our happiness, and we want to start fresh. The plan is still to move to Tampere, but in the same appartment, with a mutual rental agreement, as a couple. Lunatic the Bunny will of course be living with us, and Haru the Hammy as well, if only she makes it through the summer.

All I ask of you is to wish us luck with our new life. No hard feelings! ♥

Maybe tomorrow is a better day

I did my eyes with the Models Own powder eyeshadows I bought last week. I used Metallic Lavender and Neon Blue, with black eyeliner and black mascara. It's nothing special, but at least you can see how nice the colours are, quite pigmented and all.

I didn't go to school today, I'm still a little under the weather, and just can't get interested in things. People keep stalking my blog even though things didn't work out with Mr. Boogieman and I, and it weirds me out a bit. I'm trying to make it sound like everything's okay even though it's not, and I don't even know why I bother. I've got two men interested in me (well, one of them is Mr. Monkey, so I don't know whether to count him in or not...), but I just can't get interested in them. I don't want to fall for anyone, I don't want to fall in love. Feelings suck. I had a crush on Mr. Boogieman, I was disappointed, and I let myself down.

I don't want to play this game anymore.

And all that jazz

So Christmas came and went. Miss Bunnyhopp and I had a Moustache Xmas Party on the 19th, and everyone was required to have a moustache of some sort. It was loads of fun, and we ended the evening by going to Bar15, naturally sporting our amazing facial hair. We ended up taking a lot of pictures, but since I don't think people appreciate looking foolish in public too much, I'll just show you a picture of myself and Miss Bunnyhopp. ;P My friends are entitled to see the other pics on Facebook, so if you think you're one and can't see them, leave me a note.

I spent Christmas Eve with my family, having dinner, watching movies and relaxing. I had fun with my cats, and it was nice to just chill out with them. There was a slightly sad undertone, since this is the second Christmas we've had to spend without Sini...

I didn't do anything on Christmas Day, both Miss Bunnyhopp and I were just being lazy and bumming around the house. Miss Bunnyhopp spent Boxing Day with her family, and I spent it watching movies and TV. We did go to a birthday party that evening, and had loads of fun. I'm hoping to get pictures from that evening at some point. They had a purple-gray-turquoise cake! O_O

Prezzies! I got Sweeney Todd, Chicago, and Burn Notice Season 1. Ankle weights too! xP

My mom made me these lovely socks, and they're just perfect! ^^

I also got a bunch of sweets, and have eaten all of them by now. T_T No wonder I've gained like 4kg...T__T

I also got the cutest mirror ever! <3 style="font-weight: bold;">

Bought some movies on my own as well, 3 for 10€.

After Christmas I haven't really been doing anything, just being lazy and eating. T_T I did finally get that donut date with my ex, after he blew me off twice. *grr* It was ok, we talked for a bit, and I ate a tasty double-chocolate muffin. I love muffins. Part of the reason why I might start calling myself Lady Cupcake. *heart* After that I shopped for a bit, results of which can be found in my ealier postings.

Here's some of my recent makeups.


And here's evidence of snow. This is the house we live in, it's really old.


Yeah. Nothing much to report here. I just feel really stupid for wasting my time doing nothing. The problem is I don't really know what I want to do with my life... I want to travel, but I don't have the money, and I can't get the money if I don't work. I can't find a job, so I've got nothing to do...=( It sucks ass. I get bored and I start to overthink things. Yesterday was particularly horrible, since Miss Bunnyhopp left to meet her potential new boyfriend for the second time, and I kept feeling lonely the whole day. To make matters worse, I kept missing my sister...those days are always tough, and I didn't even have anyone to talk to.

What do I really want out of my life? I want to experience new things, see the world, go on adventures, have a good time with friends, love and be loved, leave something of me behind when my time is over...

But I've become so cynical lately that I'm not sure I even believe in love anymore...at least not for me. It would be great if there really was someone I could spend the rest of my life with, but how could that ever happen? I get tired of everything! I can't even settle for a haircut for very long, how the hell am I supposed to settle down with some guy? I wish I could have that 'falling in love' -feeling forever....I'd just need to get there first.

I'm lonely.

P.S. At least my financial situation eased up a bit, I'm not getting 200€ more per month to help me pay the rent. Yay! o/

Things are not what they seem

I'm the type of girl who'll go out in the middle of the night just to enjoy the first fresh snow of the winter. I'm also the type of girl who'll give a snowball to someone as a present. Especially when I realise I've lost my keyes...

Yeah, I did that last night. I was supposed to just go play in the snow, but I decided to take a walk too. By the time I was planning to turn back home I started to look for my keyes, couldn't find them, and kinda panicked. Miss Bunnyhopp was happily sleeping, and I didn't want to wake her up, cause her back still hurted. What did I do?

All in all, I walked 6km in the snow to see my ex. The walk took me about an hour and a half, but I was already kinda halfway there. No, I did not plan it, I had just started walking, and had already picked the route back home. But not being able to find my keyes made me panic, and I knew he was still up. So I made a cute little snowball and just kept walking.

The snowball wasn't very cute by the time I got there (neither was I). He took me in for the night, and we talked. Well, once again, he talked, and I cried my eyes out. I slept on his sofa, well, I tried at least. I stayed up most of the night, and finally fell asleep in the morning. He took me back home around noon, and no worries, my keyes are safe. I spent the rest of the day with Miss Bunnyhopp watching Supernatural and eating. I'm stuffed, and it makes me sick...=(

Why does all this still hurt me so much? Why is it so hard for me to let go? Because I still had feelings for him, feelings I denied from everyone, especially him, even myself. Our relationship was rocky, and it got too hard for me too handle. Nevertheless, I was still 100% convinced we'd end up back together. When I finally realised it was too late...it broke my heart.

I feel like a fool. What we had was unique. A cliché, but it's true for me. I went through so many "firsts" with him (one of them being living with a guy, others I'll leave to your imagination, however dirty it may be....) and he was the only guy I could really be myself with. I trusted him more than anyone in my life. He helped my through the hardest time of my life when my sister died. He held me in his arms through those countless nights I cried after her. And for that I will always love him.

"If you love them, set them free..."
Why is it so hard to do the right thing? Why do the good guys have to suffer? Of course I want him to be happy, even when it's not with me. I can't say I harbour any hard feelings against the girl either. Somehow I see myself in her. She's in the same position I was two and a half years back, getting to know this really great guy who's been hurt by someone he loved so much...

I just wish it wasn't my heart that got smashed into millions of pieces in the process... I may try to put on a brave face in public, even with Miss Bunnyhopp, but when I'm alone... I cry myself to sleep. I just wish the pain would go away... I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up until it didn't hurt anymore... Why do I have to pay the price?

P.S. Let it be known I don't even like winter. I just love snow; the world doesn't seem like such a bad place when everything's covered in pure, white, soft, perfect snow...

I'm back =/

I had a great weekend and a good Halloween. It was nice to go someplace else for a change, and it's kinda sad I had to come back. =(

I got bored in the train, even though the trip only lasted about
an hour and twenty minutes.
Luckily I had my trusty DS, I think here I was playing
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End...xP

I love Tampere so much, the buildings are incredibly beautiful, the roads are all lumpy and fun and annoying, and they had the weirdest street lights - horses, Bugs Bunny, and some weirdo patterns I couldn't even figure out. I wanted to take pictures of everything, but Miss Bunnyhopp doesn't like playing tourist, so I barely have any pictures from my surroundings. =(


I'm a sucker for men with long hair, so I enjoyed wandering around the city aimlessly cause everywhere I looked, there was bound to be at least one more or less cute guy with cool hair...^^

Ehm, I hate birds, and I have this sadistic phantasy of running in the middle
of a flock af pidgeons and just kick one...xD
And this is the one I wanted to kick.
Rest assured, I didn't do it. Yet.

There are some really nice stores in Tampere, but unfortunately I didn't really have any extra money to spend. I did get a Hell Bunny corset top, hair dye, a rose scented candle to burn on the 31st, a chess shot glass, some cheap pirate-themed jewelry...just little things. ^^ Well, except for the top, but that one was discounted too, so it's all good. ^^ My money was mainly spent on the train and bus tickets. =(

Oh, I almost forgot! Eurokangas is fantastic in Tampere, though I actually went to the one in Ideapark. I found this really coold gray floral patterned cotton fabric, and I already have big plans for it. I also got the cheaper black satin to make another pair of bloomers, only I have to remember to adjust the pattern this time.

The Samhain party was cool, everyone was gorgeous and people had really great costumes. It could've been arranged a little better, since there was a ridiculous line to the bar throughout the whole night, and they even ran out of tequila around midnight! O__o Also, I heard today that the doormen had started to charge double for the cloakroom after like two hours since opening. o__O

I had fun though, good music, nice people, (expensive) booze...^^ I did get bummed and lose all interest in partying at one point though. =( I ended up approaching this really hot guy who looked like he just walked out of my dreams...and got rejected. And it really hurt. I guess it's because I haven't been single in such a long time and am kinda rusty with this whole flirting & approaching thing... I just got really depressed.

I mean, naturally I've been burned and had my heart broken. Still, when I think about it, I've been lucky with matters of the heart. I haven't had to look for love for very long, it's always found me. It's the 'staying in love' -part that I have issues with...but that's a whole new story.

But yeah. On the 31st I lit my Samhain candle to protect me from evil spirits. Tonight the candles burn in memory of my sister.

---I'll add pictures of my outfit, my makeup and some random pics from the trip tomorrow. I don't have all of the pictures now, and I really want to install another editing programme on my computer, since the auto-levels in paint.net are all screwed up and it's the only way I know how to fix my pics... -__- ----