Hollow like my soul

It really does hurt, seeing what could have been happen to someone else. I've been having these dreams, you see, about him. None of them very nice, only one I can really care to remember, and even thinking about that makes me blue. What if there's another one waiting for me when I close my eyes?

I miss him, I don't even know why... We used to talk daily for some time, I liked those conversations whether they be long or short. It pains me to know they've ceased. Why do I feel like I've been burned so badly? Is it because I really tried my hardest this time but still ended up with nothing? No-one else can see how badly I suffer because of this, I cry alone in the dark of night. I have no interest in relationships anymore. All I have is my friends, what's left of them.

~Emilie Autumn - Hollow Like My Soul~
You think that you'll get by
You will die
You will cry
When you think that you'll survive
Just don't try
Run and hide
My eyes are hollow like my soul

Just as I was walking by
My soul died
My heart cried
When you think that you'll survive
Just don't try
Run and hide
My eyes are hollow like my soul

Where were you last night

Here's a picture of me before I dyed all of my hair black. Exciting, but a good pic IMO.

I didn't attend Mr. Boogieman's birthday party, and I kinda regret I didn't. Ended up waking up at 4.30pm that day, so I wouldn't even have been able get there in time, since the last possible train was just leaving. Oh well.

I ended up meeting Miss Bubbly and her boyfriend Mr. Cool instead. Miss Bubbly and I started by taking a few random pictures, then proceded to watch 'Some Like it Hot' with some drinks until the craving for pizza took over and we had to head out. Mr. Cool accompanied us, and after the pizza we went for a drink at Rokkikellari. All the long-haired dudes there were taken, bah... From there we moved on to Bar15, and I was surprised to see the place packed with people even though there was no band. I'm starting to feel old and annoyed every time I go there, because it's filled with all these young twats nowadays, some of them seem so out of place it's ridiculous. -__-

I had fun though, and didn't even spend too much money compared to how wasted I was. Always a good thing. I headed back home after that, stayed up for a bit longer, and was just planning on getting some sleep, when my phone rang once. Mr. Boogieman. I ended up calling him back, it was weird tho. I had to make sure he got home safe before falling asleep.

I spent the Sunday half waiting for Miss Bunnyhopp, half happy to be alone. Weird.

My first ever orange makeup! Yes, I did it really quickly, and it looks peachy, but it was ORANGE! I hate yellow and orange...

School continued again on Monday, and Miss Bunnyhopp and I ended up walking there, since her bike is broken. I drew patterns from my Lip Service In Vain -hoodie, and then cut this black tricot with blue crown patterns, I'm going to replicate the hoodie. I need to spray paint some of my D-rings tho, and figure out what I'll use as trim.

The hoodie in question. The sign was weird somehow, but you can't see it from this picture. There was more than one dude in it. O_o

Tuesday started with a sore throat. My parents came to visit, and I got new mittens and socks that my mom had made. *heart* I kept babbling on about rats, if nothing else, I was left with a new-found appreciation towards the critters from my thing with Mr. Boogieman. I'm planning on getting a pair of lady ratties once an acquaintance of mine has a new litter. I love Haru to bits, but I need to face the facts, and it's almost her 2nd birthday. I'm also thinking about setting up a similar cage for the rats that Mr. Boogieman had, it's a really good solution spacewise.

I picked up the paperwork I need so that I can attend community classes for free this spring. I'm only attending one class though, one that's arranged by Miss Bunnyhopp's mom, more sowing for me. I didn't attend the class yet though, I need to plan what I'm doing a little more. Okay, I was just being tired and lazy.

I skipped school on Wednesday, cause I felt worse. I'm getting a cold again, which totally sucks ass. I think it's due to my other heater not working, my room is really cold. My bed is also next to the heater that works, so I can't have it too hot. Oh and speaking of my bed, it's fucking falling apart! The bottom boards are falling off, and the fricking thing is only one year old! Pisses me off, my first proper bed too.

Miss Bunnyhopp left for Jyväskylä again this morning, so I'm spending the weekend alone. Which is fine for me. I won't be attending the last Schatten party in Tampere, cause I can't really afford to go, and I don't have a place to stay there either. Plus everyone else is going, so I'd have to get there ridiculously early, and I hate going to clubbing when I'm not drunk. Plus I'd kinda be alone, even though some friends of mine are going.

I've been watching a lot of TV and movies, and I absolutely have to recommend 'Nurse Jackie' to everyone. Dark humour, hospital stuff, and a really cool main character. Love! ^^

I took out my second lip ring, it wasn't healing properly. I knew from the first weeks that it wouldn't end up well, but I had to see how it would turn out. Well, it turned out bad, there's a bump on the inside. My navel piercing is also doing really bad, it has grown out a little bit, and it's aching and not healing. I really don't want to get rid of it, I like it. I'm just too fat to rock it. T__T My tongue has been hurting for at least a month now, and I'm not sure why. I really hope I don't have to take it out, I've gone through too much pain to fucking give it up.

January 15th...it's my sister's 23rd birthday. We're going somewhere to eat tomorrow. I really miss her... We're also going to talk about the possibility of going to Canada this summer, since my cousin is getting married. Two of my cousins are getting married this year, an acquaintance of mine already did, and two of my friends are marrying each other. I guess I'll have to quote a Facebook group here, "My friends are getting married, I'm just getting drunk".

Got a little bored last weekend.

Bonafide Lovin'

I hate midnight angsty posts, and I hate writing them. I can't, however, fall asleep for the life of me, and I've been through all my favourite sites. I'm out of sleeping pills too, so no help there. =( I don't have milk, and I don't want to get out of bed to make tea in the first place. My throat is sore, and I keep coughing. I caught a cold while visiting Boogieman, and it doesn't help that it's -17C outside.

My trip to Jyväskylä was both good and bad. I ended up running to the station again, and had 2 minutes to buy a ticket and get on the train. I made it though, but noticed I forgot my DS at home. =( Luckily I discovered my iPood in my bag, and listened to mind.in.a.box all the way there, dozing in and out.

I was very happy to see Boogieman, he looked even better in person. ^^ We went to get something to eat, and walked at the town a bit. Then we headed for drinks and played 'Huojuva Torni'. I lost, cause I was determined to grab a block right at the bottom. xP

I'm glad to say his two pet rats did not bite me, like I had feared. I was also pleasantly surprised by how cute they were, since I don't really like things that haven't got a furry tail. But those two were adorable! *heart* We watched Zombieland, and it was just as awesome as would be expected. \,,,/

Boogieman has this massive car, and since the weather actually took a wintery turn (Seinäjoki looked like September-October when I left. -_-), the car kept sliding all over the place. It was quite...interesting. Luckily it wasn't too cold until Sunday.

We went out partying with some of Boogieman's friends on Friday night, and I had quite a nice time all the way to the point we decided to head back to his place. We kinda got separated, and I was too drunk to remember he had the cloak room ticket for both our coats, and since I couldn't get my coat, I was scared to go outside thinking they wouldn't let me back in. So I sat by the door hoping I would be found, and started to panic, since I don't know the freaking city one bit, so I couldn't find my way back on my own. I cried, I was feeling horrible, and then Boogieman came to my rescue. I felt really stupid for not remembering what the deal was with the coats. =( We had quite an interesting walk back though, we crossed a graveyard. :P

Saturday night was time for the "Worst Xmas Party This Year", so we headed to his friend's again. Our hosts had decorated the place with tin foil, and there was punch and booze galore. I had bought more stuff to drink, and helped myself to my own booze as well as the punch. Now, you gotta realize that I no longer drink cider, and I've never been able to drink beer for more than one bottle (in two hours, might I add...). So I'm a "my own special drink mixes" -kinda gal. And I kept chucking one after another, until I was drunk enough to demand tin foil to make alien antennaes on my head. xP I also had my trusty camera with me (I always do *heart*), and we ended up taking random drunken pictures. Pentachan got quite some admiration from people. ^^ (my cam is ...what, 5 years old now?, a cute little Pentax box model)

By the time people decided to head to a bar, I blanked out. Too much booze. I have no recollection whatsoever what has happened after then, but I was told I was feeling really crappy, I didn't want to go to a bar, but I didn't want to ruin people's evening either. Nor did I want to go sleep on my own (apparently I got quite demanding. *sigh*), so Boogieman ended up going back with me. I pissed him off too, cause I kept bawling all the way back, got left behind, and couldn't see things right in front of me.

Apparently at some point I had also called my ex, saying I feel miserable and I really hate ruining Boogieman's evening, but I felt too sick. I think I would've called Miss Bunnyhopp at this point, since she's my best friend, but since I pissed her off just by taking off without telling her, she ignored me the whole weekend. I tried to contact her more than once. Why did I call my ex? Cause he used to be a friend of mine, though now I'm starting to see how it might not work out in the end. I did end up having a minor nervous breakdown because of him a little while back, so I felt sadistic satisfaction when I cancelled a coffee meeting we had planned just a little earlier, and told him what I was doing instead. I honestly don't care, he's got his own life, and I've got mine, and as long as neither of us is rubbing it in each other's face, things are good.

So yeah, for Saturday I'm definitely not proud of. =( From what I gathered, I made a total ass of myself in front of Boogieman and his friends. Way to leave a first impression or what...*sigh*

Sunday was spent trying out games on PSP, and I fell for LittleBigPlanet again. I also got to play a couple of levels of Patapon 2, and I'm surprised I don't have the "Pata-pata-pata-pon" mantra stuck in my head. What I do have stuck in my head is Chromeo's Bonafide Lovin' though...:P

I was originally planning to head back on Sunday the very least, but since we slept in, all the good trains had already left. I decided to catch a straight connection back Monday morning, cause the alternative was to spend over an hour in Tampere all alone, in the middle of the night. =(

Now I'm back at home, and I feel confused. I can't really read Boogieman yet, so I don't know how he felt about the weekend, and I'm kinda nervous to ask, for some reason. I did like him, and I'd like to see him and the rats again, hopefully sooner rather than later. ^^ I just really hate feeling confused.

Oh man, I really need to get some sleep...It's already 5.30am, and I need to be at the unemployment center by 10am.... Last week I promised the guy there that I'd go to this info thing, so I don't have any options. Fortunately it's just for an hour, but I don't think I'll get any sleep after that either, since I still have a pair of pants to make. Yup, I should've finished my school project before leaving, but I didn't. Plus mom is coming in for a fitting tomorrow evening, not to mention the finished project needs to be handed in on Wednesday. *sigh* Hello stress, I didn't miss you, so could you stay the fuck off?!

Speaking of, I nearly froze my fingers off on the way to school, so I stopped halfway to buy a pair of really warm mittens. I managed to lose one of my beloved mittens while I was drunk, and I'm truly mourning it. It was made by my aunt (mom's sister) some 20+ years ago. She also died 20+ years ago, so it can never be replaced...T__T My mom gave them for me to wear a few years back out of the goodness of her heart, so now I'm thinking I'll make a pair just like that to try and make it up to her. =/

School sucked ass, since Miss Bunnyhopp still wasn't talking to me, and I was pissed off, since apparently my cell phone hates winter, and almost broke. I was prepared to start working on the pants, but ended up finishing the bolero I started on Wednesday. I still need to make button holes, and see if I think it needs to be jazzed up a bit. After that I just came back home.

I forgot, I had to be back here this morning because I promised my mom to go shopping with her (it was her day off). We ended up checking out a few stores, and I picked out a Hello Kitty t-shirt pajama and a really cool black makeup mirror for Xmas presents. I guess I've been a good little girl (thank goth there are things parent's don't need to know, eh!? lol) and will be getting several tiny presents this year. I bought some more stuff for Miss Bunnyhopp's present too, and noticed I got some of the things I ordered in the mail. I'm not too happy with them though, I should've checked the description better. The things are WAY bigger that what I wanted to get. (Presents, may be revealed after people receive them). T_T

I blocked Miss Bitchy on Facebook. *heart* I've got no idea whether she occasionally tries to check out my profile, but I fixed all my restrictions too, and randomly tried to block someone. Who better to try it out on than her? ^^ She's never been my friend in there, and never will, just like the situation is in real life.

I'd like to add some pictures later on, but I think I'll need to check with people first. Check back for updates on that. Peace!

It's the Oogie Boogie Man!

Note: Mr. Fascinating shall from hereon be referred to as the Boogieman.

I blew off school on Monday, I was feeling a bit ill and stuff. I ended up running to the train station at 7.30pm only to see my train had left a minute earlier. O_o Not cool. So I headed back home, and some guy tried to sell me drugs on the way. O__O The first time ever that's happened to me, I'm starting to feel really uneasy here...

I had a gym appointment on Tuesday morning to check out this new ladies gym here. I was really tired in the morning, and couldn't find my sweat pants, so I ended up heading back to bed. I woke up again when my phone rang, some guy was trying to get me to change my cell phone provider again. -_-# I ended up running on errands, and attempting to knit my first woollen socks in years. Too early to say how it's going so far.

I tried to reschedule my appointment with the mental health nurse this morning, but she wouldn't answer the phone. So I blew her off too. O_o; Hey, at least I tried...T_T I bleached my bangs again today. It'll be lavender again, but I decided to leave that to another day. So for now I'm partially blonde.

I was pissed off today, I had sold a skirt, and ended up spending all the money I got for shipping the damn thing. The prices are ridiculous! >=(

School was okay, I ended up making a violet bolero, but I didn't quite finish it yet, cause Miss Bunnyhopp and I left early to pick up some Chinese meatballs on the way home. They are so~ good...*drool*

So yeah. Boring post, I know.

I have to say I'm really curious about this Mr. Boogieman. He's fun to talk to, and seems like a really cool guy. Not to mention he's incredibly hot. ;) In fact, I'm so curious I agreed to go meet him tomorrow. Hopefully this time I'll catch my train. xP